There is No Wisdom in Forgetting
A Gold Star Family and Memorial Day
“Still no real action yet just a few snipers—I just hope to God that when we do get into it I can serve these men right—that’s the only thing that really bothers me. Each night I pray that I can just do the right thing at the right time—I like these guys too much to screw them up.”
Billy—first letter home from Vietnam, 1966
Billy’s youngest sister Rita was five years old in 1966, almost sixteen years younger. He missed her always running around and her “stupid comments.” He also missed his other sister (age 12) and dad (Willy). But Billy and mom Ruth had a special bond.
Rita, my wife and sweetheart of 44 years, grew up in a Gold Star family. Billy died in Vietnam serving in the Army for his country in 1966--barely age twenty. Almost sixty years have passed now and the memories of Billy are still there in those who knew and loved him. Sadly fewer and fewer are still with us. He truly was a bright light in the lives of his extended family.
Today we speak of Billy as the golden child—the apple of his mom’s eye and the pride of his dad. The world changed for the Garcia family that day when the two men in uniform came to the door; just as it did for so many other families before and since.
Billy answered the call of his country, volunteering even before the draft started. It was a somewhat simpler time before Vietnam almost tore our society apart. Those dis-agreements still linger today. I suppose those times and divisions planted the seeds of discontent in the hearts of so many that today they have lost pride in being an American patriot.
As I was looking through some of Billy’s letters and notes of sympathy recently, I came across two that had some special meaning. General Creighton W. Abrams, Acting Chief of Staff, wrote to Billy’s mom and dad of those values he was defending:
“4 November, 1966
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Garcia:
It is with sadness that I write to you at this time of personal sorrow. The passing of your son, Specialist Four William Garcia, on 1 November, in Vietnam, is also a tragic loss for his Nation and his comrades in arms who will treasure the memory of his selfless service at a time of national peril.
Because of our belief, born over 190 years ago, that men have an inalienable right to life and dignity, to freedom from tyranny, and to the peacefull persuit of happiness, our soldiers are fighting in Vietnam, just as in other places and in earlier days brave Americans have defended the right of men to shape their own destinies and to live in peace with freedom and dignity.
On behalf of all members of the United States Army, I express our heartfelt sympathy to you in your great personal loss.
Sincerely,
Creighton W. Abrams
General, United States Army
Acting Chief of Staff”
Many today regard the sentiments in the General’s letter to be quaint, insincere, and even irrelevant. But they are the very values that motivated Billy and so many others to risk everything and help in their defense.
The toxic nature of our discourse is corroding and debasing our American values. The result is that fewer and fewer believe that there is a duty to, and honor in, defending our country.
The second letter comes from Billy’s best friend Andy, or as was his nickname, Herman, who also joined the Army soon after Billy:
“Nov. 11, 1966
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Garcia,
I just found out yesterday about Bill. I want to say something but I don’t know what. It was the worse shock I’ve ever had to hear it, and even as I write this my eyes are misty with the loss of a close friend.
There have been and I guess there will be more Bill’s but why our Bill had to go but my prayers go with him.
There isn’t much I can say. Feelings can’t be put into words. He was my best friend + your son. I only pray that I or anyone won’t have reason to write a letter like this again.
Yours Always
Herman”
Those who fought in Vietnam, and those who fought in other places for their country and ours, are a part of us. They represent the best in us. And it is good for us to honor them. They gave themselves for freedom in faraway places. All were patriots.
Gold Star families of the Vietnam era had to endure a unique challenge. They suffered the extra pain of hearing from many fellow citizens that their loss was a waste because the Vietnam war was so divisive and came to an ugly end. In 1979 I was one of them. Those voices were wrong then and now.
The world turns and the seasons change and we go on living with our hearts aching within. But we do not forget. We do not forget the pain or those things that caused the pain because there is no wisdom in forgetting. Let us resolve to see the best in what it means to be American, as those who we memorialize this day did. And to always strive to understand, protect and defend the freedom that is our birthright.
Note:
Billy and Rita’s father also served his country and was wounded in combat during the Second World War in the Pacific. All of her uncles on both sides also served. One uncle served in Europe and was a P.O.W. in Korea. And their grandfather served in the First Word War.
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Very moving. If we want to change the values and therefore America to what it can be we can start by making Memorial Day what it ought to be.